Continuing the conversation for mental health awareness month (see all the stories here).
Story #5
I am strong. I always have been. I think we all have weak moments, but being able to share them with others and learn from our mistakes makes us stronger.
What is your diagnosis?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Major depression disorder, and Anxiety
What do your symptoms look like?
My symptoms come out in a couple ways; extremely hyper or irritated. Sometimes my meltdowns come out in crying fits.
What do you wish people knew about your diagnosis?
I wish people knew that I’m not my diagnosis. That just because my anxiety shows out sometimes, it doesn’t mean I’m not a good person.
Share a story where your diagnosis/symptoms significantly impacted your life.
A few months to almost a year ago, my world fell apart again. It often does for people in our shoes. But I lost my dream job, and then my husband, soon-to-be ex, became more and more emotionally abusive towards me.
Over a few months, things had gotten so bad for me internally that I exploded on my stepdaughter and I hit her. I had never hit either of them before. I will never forget it and I will not forgive myself. My anxiety was so bad, and I was so depressed, that I took it out on her and I shouldn’t have. She can be a turd but she didn’t deserve that. I don’t raise my hands to people.
A month later I went off on her older sister saying “don’t worry, I’m leaving. You won’t have to deal with me anymore.” It was one of the lowest points in my life. But really, it was me I couldn’t stand. I’m thankful for my therapist for helping me out of that dark moment. I’m glad the girls don’t hate me.
How have you seen yourself grow because (or in spite of) your mental illness?
I am strong. I always have been. I think we all have weak moments, but being able to share them with others and learn from our mistakes makes us stronger. Trying to find a way to fight it; a way to get through each day. I use art a lot to draw my emotions out. I always draw flowers when I’m upset because I believe that if you create something beautiful out of an ugly situation, it makes the world a better place. I don’t believe we are flawed but unique.
Counselor reaction:
General comments or reactions:
I love that your coping skill is not just a distraction, but a method of healing. You find yourself in a weak moment, and you seize the moment by not only doing something to distract your mind away, but you have chosen to train your mind to turn a negative moment into a positive one. This is going to help you heal lightyears faster than if you just utilize a coping skill as a distraction.
People generally associate PTSD with military or sexual abuse trauma. Can you share some other common forms of PTSD that people may not be as familiar with?
Any traumatic experience that someone suffers through can lead to the development of Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the world of trauma we categorize trauma in two different categories; “Big T” and “Little T”. A Big-T trauma would constitute the above mentioned military or sexual abuse, but it also could constitute an accident, a natural disaster, or a world pandemic. A Little-T trauma would constitute something like an embarrassing moment, failing a test, or having a bad date. While traumatic, these Little-T traumas would not constitute a trigger for PTSD. Death of a loved one, a fire in your childhood home, or losing a limb in an accident are also examples of Big-T traumas; these are more examples of what would trigger PTSD.
About this series: It was a great desire of mine to share stories from real people who live with a mental disorder. The goal with this series is to shed light on what it’s really like for people. What it looks like day-to-day and how it affects their life. But also to see just how strong these people are. While the impact is strong on the individual experiencing it, a mental disorder also impacts family, friends, and coworkers. So it was also important to me to bring in a licensed counselor to read and react to these stories, and to share a few helpful tips to better understand and respond to a loved one who struggles in this way.
About the counselor: Andrea McDonald, MAC, NCC, LPC is a licensed professional counselor living in Kansas City. She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology, criminal justice, and sociology in 2012 from Simpson Collage, and went on to receive her master’s in counseling from Mid America Nazarene University, studying marriage and family therapy/counseling in 2019. She has 8+ years of youth and family counseling experience. Andrea has a beautiful, huge heart for others, and it’s an honor to have her as a friend (and fun fact, she’s my soon-to-be sister in law!) You can connect with Andrea on Instagram: @KCSelfCareStudio
Photography by: HNV Photography KC // Special thought and consideration went into this project to honor the stories that were told and I couldn’t think of a better collab partner. Heidi, you have a gift and your ability to capture the raw, real emotions is inspiring to me everyday. Thank you, friend!
***Note, while I hope the information shared here is insightful, it is not meant to serve as official medical advice or diagnose any symptoms you may be experiencing. If you have any questions regarding your mental, behavioral and emotional health, I recommend you speak with a licensed professional.***